Smooth things are easier to project upon —try watching a movie on a wrinkly screen. ***********
She had a basket full of note cardsI would have liked to have looked through them —to think about her picking out each onewhat spoke to herI would have liked to have sent them to her friends periodicallyafter she passed away I have no idea what happened to all of those cardsMaybe he kept themMaybe…
I’m trying to remember how long it takes for the nausea to go away. I make coffee because I don’t know what else to do Last night I made a drink because, I should want to drink right now, right? But I don’t really. I don’t want to do anything. These are the days I…
First morning of the weekend with L and S. So good to be here. Feeling my loneliness, not knowing what to do with myself. I woke up in the middle of the night so angry, thinking to tell M, “we should probably stop pretending that you are my friend.” I know I had dreams, but…
I haven’t tended this site in…years. Where DID I put my Goddess!? At the time I started it, I was heavily in the throws of a massive shadow unearthing, catalyzed by what I can now concisely and confidently identify as emotionally abusive relationships. In one of my last entries, I was in the early process…
i feel hollow in my limbs as if all the life blood has been drained out of me. i have no task today so i face the void of possibilities and race through all of the lost ones in my mind. we could have done this and that i could have made him tea a…
There are so many theories about what the addict needs and so many more about what the non-addict, who is an addict addict, seeks. And while we debate there are two people, innocent to the trials of this life, simply recognizing in each other the same confusion, the same pain, at the odd and excruciating…
The feelings are all still there And the tacit agreement not to share. I take mine with me, everywhere I go. You travel with yours, I presume. Our silent, pregnant friends. May they never give birth— Lest the whole thing crumble!
Billy Goat A little Billy Goat looks strong and menacing up close, petite and vulnerable when you pull back and add the environment Billy Goat is— Small next to a tree Small next to a chicken (nearly the same size!) Small on the side of a mountain Small in the woods Just like me— wandering,…
Maybe they’re all interchangeable as they live in me. They morph one into the other strike the same chords of longing and regret. Their voices share a timbre and a theme of possibility and deprivation wrapped in dark heat, a lure. They lead me to the forest they harbor all my words surround me with…
A few days ago I had a phone visit with my Dad. He asked me about the fact that I was applying to study Counseling Psychology. I began telling him about my interests and of how I hoped to put my degree to use. When I got to the part about possibly being able to…
It sits there like a lump, compacting more and more, with each new day of neglect. Today it is mortar tomorrow, brick. To keep it soft, that’s the trick.
“We live in a world of illusion where we all seem separate. We are like islands in the sea; if the sea were removed, we would find one firmament, one land. In much the same way, each of us experiences ourself as separate, but in the deepest area of our mind there is only one…
“When we are in positions of sacrifice, we feel unworthy. We do not feel good enough to be equal in the situation, so we feel we have to give up who we are and only do things for others. Blessing is the opposite of sacrifice; it is our desire that things be good for the…
“The beginning of creating resolution, and the key to healing any conflict, is knowing that even though each person may be acting in a different way, the point of joining is a feeling you both have in common. For instance, the feeling of fear can create fight or flight, just as guilt can create withdrawal…